Robot Carnage

Looks like the geniuses at TLC (that used to stand for The Learning Channel) have another hit show on their hands.  I thought there was no way they could top a reality show about Sarah Palin, but they have.  “How is it possible to top Sarah Palin?” you ask— with Sarah Palin’s hairdresser of course. Only the channel that has brought us various other freak-shows (hoarders, midgets, a million kids, toddler beauty pageants, etc.) could bring together a masterpiece like this. I hope your picking up the sarcasm because I’m laying it down pretty thick. The title of this post should really be “Congratulations America”. We have once again proved that, not only will we watch the dumbest crap ever on TV, but we pretty much beg for it. So, I hope you all enjoy watching a show featuring a hairdresser who looks suspiciously like Jack Black in a wig. At this rate I may be the next armed lunatic storming Discover Channel’s offices in protest (am I on some FBI watch-list now?). That’s all I have to say about that.

It’s not often that a company goes out of their way to make an awesome commercial, or they try and fail miserably (I’m looking at you Miracle Whip)  Chipotle decided that stupid commercials are bad for business, so they made this rad one instead. The amazing stop-motion video also has a pretty cool Cold Play cover by Willie Nelson. It’s all to teach us that they get pigs from a farm, I guess.

{via Colossal}

This is a picture of Kraft Foods’ underground cheese storage facility – or, as I like to call it, Cheese Heaven.  In the case of a Zombie Apocalypse, Robot Takeover, or Hostile Alien Invasion – I’m heading to Springfield Missouri. Sure, Cheese Heaven is kept at a chilly 36 degrees, but that is a minor detail when you have access to 400,000 square feet of dairy gold!

Nearly every ounce of Kraft cheese product—from Velveeta to Kraft Singles—spends part of its life in a 680-pound container inside this 400,000-square-foot subterranean fridge. It’s not about aging, it’s about cheap storage: Moving refrigeration underground saves massive amounts of energy, since the temperature 100 feet down is a constant 58 degrees Fahrenheit. An aboveground pump sends 13,000 gallons of chilled brine through the system every day, keeping the warehouse at a cool 36 degrees. The Kraft facility is actually part of a massive complex that started as a limestone mine in 1946. (The mine is still operational, but a substantial earthen buffer shields the employees of Kraft and other companies from regular explosions.)

Now if they would just build a bacon storage facility next door I would be set.

Source: Wired

After the poor lads of Atomic Tom had their instruments stolen, the next logical course of action was a concert on the train.  Played entirely with iPhones, I have to say the result is pretty cool:

Although I still don’t get what having your instruments stolen has to do with a performance on a train, I give them 2 thumbs up (one for cleverness and one for actually sounding great).

UPDATE:

The instruments weren’t actually stolen, that was just a gag to go along with the viral vid (makes sense, i guess?).  From The Christian Science Monitor:

First, what happened to your instruments? Were they really stolen?

Okay, no, our instruments weren’t actually stolen — they’re perfectly safe and sound. Sometimes we create a funny or completely made-up premise for our YouTube videos that we think serves it well. We did one called “The Fabulous Life of Atomic Tom,” where we made a joke about our “lavish lifestyles,” which are actually anything but lavish! With the subway video, we wanted to come up with a more interesting premise than just “here’s something cool we did.” We settled on the stolen instruments storyline. We just never dreamed so many people would see it.

Over the last 10 years i have been getting fat, and I often find myself wondering “How do i know if i’m too fat?  Where do I draw the line?”  Today i found my answer…

If you need the Viking XL to get around, then you my friend are too fat.  Thankfully i’m not there yet, I can still get around with help from my Jazzy.

Source: Geekologie

It turns out that 98% of all divorces are a direct result of sleep toots.  When confronted with this shocking statistic, the geniuses at The Better Marriage Blanket knew they had to act quick.  The resulting engineering marvel is nothing short of miraculous—a magical, fart-eating blanket! Featuring an activated carbon layer, it comes in two trendy colors—white or beige. They say you can’t put a price on happiness, but I say you can, and that price is $39.95 (plus shipping and handling).

I have to say I feel like the men are being unfairly stereotyped here. My wife has cleared the room a few times – am I right honey? I am a dead man.

I love Legos. They are the single greatest toy ever invented – well maybe next to this, but i digress.  I have many fond memories of creating Lego spaceships with my brothers and then throwing them against the wall to make them explode (for that reason, my mom’s memories of that time may be less fond).  Still today at the ripe old age of 32 I still love to play with legos—just this past christmas my mom-in-law got me this awesome set – which actually walks (see pic below)! I cant wait until my kids are old enough to build their own ship and smash them against the wall. My wife will not enjoy this phase either, but it will fill me with nostalgia.

Thanks Bev!

After watching this video you will probably have 2 questions:

1. Is that a freaking automatic crossbow?

2. Is that man going to haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life?

Answers: Yes and Most likely

Terrifying man aside, the automatic crossbow is marvel of engineering.  It’s the single most important invention since the automatic rubber band gun. Whats next? Fully automatic Pez dispensers? For now that remains a cruel fantasy.

Suitcase:  Check

Tickets:  Check

Wallet & Phone:  Check

Briefcase filled with meat products:  Indeed!

Why would you NOT want a generous selection of fine meats where ever you go?  Maybe you need a scenario to help you visualize how important this is:  You are driving home from work, you are stuck in rush-hour traffic – you need some bacon.  The prepared man will simply crack open his portable meat counter and satisfy his need for pork right that second.  The unprepared man is left only with the sting of regret to compliment the ache of his empty belly.  Need i say more (no, no i don’t)?

Source: Radman > LTG > Gizmodo

The Telegraph reports that scientists from Simon Fraser University in Canada have developed at Star Trek-like phaser! Oh wait, don’t get all excited – it only works on worms. The researchers use a beam of ultraviolet light to temporarily stun the worms (although some don’t survive – murderers!), which have been fed a special molecule that changes it’s shape in ultraviolet light.

“The team behind the study claim that the phaser could someday be used as a treatment for medical conditions, but admit that they are as yet unsure what they would be.”

Yeah right, more like they will someday be used by our robot overlords to blast the disobedient into a pile of goo.